Dating myself ... 2nd date

[September 20th, 2014]

So I went on a date with myself again today ... gotta admit my patience and happy attitude were being tested ... but I persevered.  Today was much harder than the last time.

Wasband picked up the kids late ... and then wouldn't leave my house ... so I got off on a rocky start.

I decided to check out a local Mexican restaurant.  You KNOW it's gonna be good when the menu is *only* in Spanish and there aren't any white people there.  I ordered carne asada tacos and horchata. It was fantastic.  I'll be going back, promise.

Then i headed to the movies ... I got there early and picked exactly where I wanted to sit (I'm a bit particular) ... as the theater filled up there remained 1 empty seat to one side and 2 to the other ... a mother and daughter asked if the 2 next to me were empty and I said yes. They sat down. Then her husband and son showed up, she told them she only got 2 and they'll have to sit elsewhere in the theater. 

I got up and moved (leaving the other extra seat and my own) so the family could sit together.

Easier for 1 person to find a seat, than a family of 4 ... I'm glad i could do that for them

After the movie I went to grab a burger (from the Habit), I ordered and then went to find a place to sit. The only empty table in the entire restaurant was a table for 6. I sat down and started reading and I overhear a group of teenagers talking about trying to find a place to sit. So I scan and find a table for 2 that is now empty. 

I pick up my things and move. They gratefully sit down. The youngest (maybe a little brother?) asks me how my day is going, he was sweet [first person to talk to me while I was out]. His sister complimented me on my shoes. I smiled and thanked her and they turned and enjoy their meal, laughing and eating.

My lesson learned: sometimes we have to move and adjust our original plans, and that's okay.

Normally having to change or adjust would have made me sad (thinking about being alone or not having anyone to share the movie or meal with) ... but honestly i enjoyed myself. and was glad i could accommodate those around me who did have larger group

Maybe it affected me more than I realized ... as I relayed the events to my mom the following day I cried.  It's hard being alone sometimes.

Dating myself ... the begining

[September 6th, 2014]

I decided to go on a date with myself.  I need to get to know *me* again before I can even think about dating anyone else.  So I dressed up (yes, you have to look fantastic ... even if you're only dating yourself).  The date started after the wasband came and picked up the kids.

I get to be *me* ... the me I always wanted to be ... the me who has been hiding since college.

I headed to the movies first ... I thoroughly enjoyed "Guardians of the Galaxy".  I could sit wherever I wanted, and stay after and watch ALL the credits (the wasband never would let me).

Next on the agenda ... I headed to Five Guys for a burger and fries.

Clearly, it was delicious.

What's a date without some dessert?  Baskin Robbins is my favorite.  My grandparents owned one while I was growing up, it will always hold a special place in my heart.  Best ice cream EVER.  I've done things just to get some BR ice cream (including kissing the bassist for the band "Homegrown", totally funny story!!)

Back home to relax and watch some tv while I waited for the wasband to bring the kids back.

Overall, it was a great date and I thoroughly enjoyed myself.

Decisions ... decisions ...

"The only person you are destined to become is the person you decide to be."  Ralph Waldo Emerson

What a great quote and what a great reminder that our destiny is whatever we choose.  What will I decide to be?  I'm still trying to figure that out ...

I couldn't decide on a color ... so the printable pdf file has SEVEN.  [#seewhatididthere ?]

ENJOY!!

Download the FREE Printable

How do you like your eggs?

In my journey of self-discovery I keep thinking back to the scene in "Runaway Bride" where Julia Roberts' character, Maggie, is trying different types of eggs and deciding for herself what she prefers.
That's where I'm at right now ... trying to figure out what is the real me, and what parts of me were altered or minimized to try to make him happy (instead of me).

I feel like I need to go out and explore and find out what really makes *me* happy and who I really am.  So I will continue to date my myself and try new things and push myself farther than I really feel comfortable with.

So here's my question ... how do you like your eggs?  I think I need to start cooking like Maggie and figure it out ...

Irreconcilable Differences

here a little of my back story ...

On January 22nd, 2014 ... I had started the discussion when I told my husband that I wasn't happy and that things needed to change [things had been hard for a LONG time].  His response?  He took off his ring and walked out the door.  It was clear he didn't even want to try.

On January 25th, 2014 I told my sister that I would give it another three months to try to see if we could make it work.  I promised I would try the hardest that I could.

His words said otherwise ... but his actions never did -- not for the next three months.

My sat me down and asked to talk to me on April 25th, 2014 [EXACTLY 3 months after the conversation I had with my sister].  I sat. He then calmly told me he no longer loved and and never would.  He then asked if we could just be friends.  The whole conversation was eerily calm, no yelling, no crying ... just calm conversation.

I feel like my whole life exploded.  It wasn't a random grenade thrown into the midst of chaos.  It was a calculated demolition to try to mitigate and minimize the effects.  After almost 11 years of marriage my husband and I decided to divorce.  This truly was one of the most difficult decisions I've ever made.

I've been struggling with mixed and conflicting emotions.  I feel like a failure … I feel like a success.  I feel scared … I feel brave.  I am worried about what the future will bring and yet super excited about the change and what my next adventure will be.

In the plan of happiness everyone has their agency, and I came to truly realize that I cannot make choices for someone else. This knowledge has struck me now more so than ever before. In some ways I feel completely helpless, but it was also truly empowering to know that although I cannot make someone else’s choices … I can make *MY* choices.  I need to focus on me and the choices I am making and the things that I can control.

My church puts such a great emphasis on eternal families that caused me to struggle.  It was hard to admit the strife I was experiencing in my own marriage -- denial is a real place and I was there.  It was hard to admit that divorce was actually *better* for my four children than staying.  One Sunday afternoon as I was reciting the Young Women’s Theme I came to understand that the concepts of “divine nature” and “individual worth” are important too.  I deserve to feel loved, respected, valued, and supported (he does too, for that matter).  I was struck with the REAL and true thought that *I* matter, me: Jodi ... the Lord loves and knows me.  He wants me to be happy.  It was real, like someone hit me over the head.

I have learned to lean on my savior and trust in him and myself.  I have learned that I am stronger than I ever thought I was.  I know the upcoming time of my life is going to be rough and life is going to suck for a little while -- but I have NEVER questioned the decision.  Once I made it I felt instantly at peace and have never second guessed the choice.  I question lots of other things … but never that choice.  Divorce was the right answer to all the questions I was struggling with.  Divorce was the right answer for me.